3 Exciting Ways to Improve Your Self-Confidence
...Even if You're Feeling Terrible
Let me ask you a question that I think you will agree is important.
How can you feel good about yourself even when you feel like you’ve fucked everything up, and everything just seems to confirm how terrible a person you are?
The fact is, life is hard. Especially if you’re trying to pursue something you’re passionate about. No matter how careful and awesome and well-supported you are, the fact is YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. Even if you don’t believe me now and feel at the height of your powers, there is probably a time when you have felt this way. And there will most likely be a time when you feel this way.
When you're at your very worst when nothing seems to be going your way….what can you do to make it better?
It all begins with an exercise of your reflective agency. It all begins with a decision to focus on what is good about you, what you have that works and you know works.
1. Reframe your Relationship to Your Self-Image: Decide to Build It Up Constantly
You can’t wait for the world to tell you everything you’ve always wanted to hear about yourself. You also can’t wait to feel good about yourself to take action. If you really want to feel good about yourself in a way that lasts and endures the storms of life, you need to make it your quest to make yourself into the awesome person you can and should be. A person who is able to realize their full potential. This is the key to building core confidence. Confidence that doesn't depend on any particular domain in your life and is instead based on the way you live your whole life. Confidence that you can use to face any challenge because it is based on your constant and never-ending improvement.
In order to do this, you need to decide right now to Take Action to begin building up your self and your self-image. This essentially consists of deciding to adopt a new mindset about what determines these things:
Oppressive Unreflective Mindset:
I’m a terrible or at least mediocre person
Where I am now is probably where I’ll remain stuck
Nothing in this life ever really changes
Reframing Philosophical Mindset:
I can make myself into as awesome and great a person as I want
Where I am is just one point in an ever-changing trajectory as I become better
Things in Life can always change if I make the lasting effort to change what I focus on every day.
To help yourself really embody this change in mindset, I recommend that you write them both now on a piece of paper. Then physically commit to rejecting the oppressive mindset and physically commit to accepting the philosophical one. You can cross the first and circle the second. Highlight or underline the first with a color you hate and another with a color you love. Try different things out, get creative with it. See what works for you, what really makes you FEEL that there are infinite possibilities for improvement. That it all really depends on what you focus on.
Once you find what works for you, remember to look at this new mindset. Every day. With intention. Leave it by your bed and read it first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to sleep. Make a copy, fold it, and keep it with you at all times. What is important is that you keep it in daily consciousness.
2. Decide to Constantly and Unceasingly Improve Yourself Intelligently, Using a Philosophical Journal
Now at this point, I think you will agree with me:
The best way to feel really awesome about yourself is to actually be really awesome.
Thankfully, being awesome is something you can work on. And being awesome is something you must work on. That's the only way to fill your life with the lasting meaning and purpose of the kind that can give you core confidence.
One of the best ways then to keep this empowering philosophical mindset of infinite possibilities for improvement in daily consciousness is to commit yourself to realize these possibilities. To commit yourself to actually becoming a person that continually builds towards better and better versions of themselves. To commit yourself to be someone who constantly and unceasingly becomes more awesome.
In order to really embody this mindset, you need to consciously decide to really work on yourself. Everyday.
And in order to really make a decision, you need to take action that puts you in the path of this decision.
And it is best if this is an intelligent action that really propels you towards a new, better path. In deciding to constantly improve yourself, I recommend that you take the intelligent action of philosophical journaling.
The purpose of this philosophical practice is for you to use it to keep track of your progress as a person. Here you should explicitly identify where you are in life, what you want out of life, and what you need to work on.
By keeping this kind of journal, you keep yourself accountable. But you can also figure out what works for you and what doesn't as you look for different solutions to the problems you work in order to improve yourself. I have used this tool myself to massively improve the quality of my days, and I recommend that you use it as well.
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I suggest that you give your philosophical journaling practice the following structure:
Morning Reflection:
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A. At least three things I am incredibly grateful for…
B. At least two things for me to work on…
C. Wouldn’t it be great if (every part of the day went magnificently)?
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Nightly Reflection:
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A. At least three amazing things that happened today. Why were they amazing?
B. What are at least two things I could have done to make today even better?
Let me break each of these components down.
This journaling practice involves reflecting on your life in the morning and at night every day. Its goal is to create a habit of thought that you use every day and night as a kind of loop across your days that allows you to keep track of your progress, keep yourself accountable, and ultimately build greater momentum in your building yourself and your self-confidence. Are you really fighting the good fight every day? Are you actively taking action to improve yourself? If not, why not? What’s NOt working in your approach. If so, what IS working in your approach? How can you make it even better? You can continually raise and answer these questions and so intelligently and effectively direct your self-improvement.
The Morning Reflection is meant to get you to appreciate some good things in your life, thereby instilling gratitude. Ask yourself:
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What magnificent things are there in my life?
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What is going amazingly with my projects and loved ones?
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What are the worthwhile ways in which I get to spend my time today?
It is then meant to get you to focus on some things you are committed to working on today in order to be a better person. This is the part that is meant to keep you accountable. Ask yourself:
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Are there any habits that I know deep inside are limiting the quality of my life?
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Do I need to be more patient/caring/considerate/firm with certain people in my life?
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Are there things I know I should probably be doing but I’m not?
Finally, the last part is meant to get you to focus on the positive, empowering possibilities that the different parts of your day offer up to you. It consists of you’re cutting up your day into different parts, perhaps different tasks you have to accomplish and events to get through. And you simply considering how great it would be if they basically all went off without a hitch. The point of this is to get you to focus on the possibility that things are going to be way more awesome than a pessimistic view of life would lead you to expect.
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Wouldn’t it be great if I had that hard talk with my partner and it allowed both of us to air out grievances, feel heard, and build a better relationship?
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Wouldn’t it be great if I flowed through all the errands I have to run in less time than expected?
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Wouldn’t it be great if I totally crushed it at the big meeting I have to give and everybody recognized it?
The Nightly Reflection is meant to get you once more to appreciate the very best of life in this day. It gets you to appreciate some amazing things in your life. It also asks you to give a causal explanation for why the amazing things occurred. These explanations are a key part of this practice. They get you to focus on what are the things that are responsible for the goodness in your life. Focusing on these things, nourishing them with your attention, interest, and energy is a great way to make your life more amazing.
With this appreciation of the awesomeness this day has brought, you can joyfully and courageously face the fact that you could have made today even better and honestly asking yourself how. This keeps you accountable, helping you figure out further improvements that can still be made. Because we can all always get better. As part of this, you should ask yourself,
-What’s working in what I need to be working on? Why is it working?
-What’s not working? Why is it not working?
By doing so, you can hone in on the ways of implementing change in your life that work for you. The ways that you can actually manage and integrate into an ever-improving life. (By the way, you can take your journaling to the next level by checking out my post on Good Life Journaling. This is a unique journaling technique I developed inspired by infusing elements of life design with philosophy.)
3. Begin Keeping a Sincere or Heartfelt Compliment List
Another way to radically improve your self-confidence through philosophy is to reframe your relationship to compliments you receive. A great way to do so is a list of compliments that people have given you throughout the years.
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All too often, we receive these compliments unreflectively and not really pay attention to them, letting them fall by the wayside as we move on to the next thing. But in reality, these compliments are among the most beautiful things in this life. They are to be treasured. They are evidence that the world understands and appreciates you. They are evidence that the people in it care enough to let you know that you're doing something right. So don't let them ever go to waste. Begin now. Take a piece of paper, go through the memories of your past. Write down at least five heartfelt compliments people have given you, but really as many as you can think of.
Maybe it was something a dear friend told you about your ability to listen, a coworker's admiration of your ability to get something done quickly. Maybe it's simply the genuine appreciation of a stranger whose life you made easy through some small act of kindness. The key thing right now is for you to actually make this list. I suggest that you keep this list close to you in your life and add other compliments that you get and think of. Make several copies if you'd like. But let it be a living document that you engage with. Think of it as an ever-growing treasure chest full of experiences when the world has validated all that you are and can be.
If you’re still reading and have been writing down at least five heartfelt compliments, then let me add some more to your treasure chest with a sincere "Congratulations!" For you are someone who is genuinely committed to making your life better and are already well on your way to making it happen. And THAT is something you should feel awesome about. It’s already happening! It’s only a matter of time. So long as you keep at it and really keep the awesome things about you in daily consciousness!
With this growing list in hand, you should have a growing picture of the awesome things about yourself. If you really have been putting in the work, then you should already feel that, by practicing philosophy, you can make yourself feel better, do better, and be better by changing the way you relate to the things in your life, even your memories.
Conclusion
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It’s really hard to feel good about ourselves. Especially when we’re at our worst. Here I have shown how philosophy can help us find a way to do so and to continually feel better.
It all begins with reframing your perspective. A decision to make yourself into an awesome person with an awesome self-image.
This reframing refocuses and ignites intelligent action. Our intelligent actions allow us to build resilience and momentum as we build our way towards better selves and better lives.
Philosophy then can awaken in us the power to radically and constantly improve our self-image and ourselves. IF we put in the effort to let it shape our daily lives.
By reframing how you think about what determines your self-image and committing yourself to building your self-image by building toward better and better versions of yourself.
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If you want to continue with your self-development and increasing your self-confidence more concretely, then you absolutely have to get rid of the limiting beliefs and mindsets that are holding you back. You have to commit to doing it. You have to consciously take back your mind and build yourself up.
And if you ever find yourself being held back by fear, check out my post on how to use philosophy to conquer your fear.
In order to help you develop yourself, I have created a Cheatsheet for Conquering Limiting Beliefs. You can use it to write down the different beliefs and mindsets that are holding you back and replace them with empowering, philosophical ones that will catapult you forward.
SUBSCRIBE to Download Cheatsheet for Conquering Limiting Beliefs
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With this Cheatsheet, you will also get some additional philosophical resources for you to cultivate a philosophical perspective on your life.
AND
Because I'm really invested in your building your self-confidence, I put together a Bonus Guide to Power Posing to teach you how to use not just your mind, but also your body in order to further build your self-confidence!